Updated: 15/10/16 : 08:39:43
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Fawlty proofing of next four Budgets

By Eugene McGloin

BASIL FAWLTY is to have a key role in proofing the next four Dail budgets.

His sidekick, Manuel from Barcelona, will also advise Ministers on the topic of flying pigs.

''The duo will also draw up a list of what may -- and may not --  be mentioned.''

April Fool

Said Basil: ''Rule One will be 'don't mention the War.' Don't mention the bloody War.

''Rule Two follows from that -- Ministers may NOT mention that word 'may'.....especially if it is preceded by the word 'Theresa.'

''Rule Three: The fiver for pensioners should not be paid in March, not ever.

''To teach these pesky pensioners proper manners they'll get their pittance, sorry their fiver, on April Fools Day.

''Rule Four: Backbench Fine Gael TDs will travel to Thailand to learn how Its Great Leader was seventy years in power. No grumbling, no whinging, just leadership, uninterrupted. 

''Rule Five: That's it -- no grumbling, no whinging, just leadership. Uninterrupted.''