Updated: 12/08/17 : 06:16:09
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Sligo storm drains and makeover from Secret Service

By Eugene McGloin

STORM DRAINS, some of them anyway, are not greatly maintained in some parts of Sligo.

In certain circumstances, though, those same storm drains in Sligo could feature on a master plan in Washington's White House, no less.

Now read on, as the late and greatest used to say, alias Con Houlihan, always too long gone and departed from us.

Imagine, if you will, that President Trump gets the bump off, gets the hump out of office or drops down the back of a sofa between now and November 2020.

Tinned Foods

Trump might even forget to act on the immortal advice given us by our own Civil Defence 55 years ago in the event of a nuclear conflict.

''Turn your back to the flash,'' Our Boys sagely advised.....along with advice to have stockpiles of tinned foods and having soil banks piled outside your window. 

Ah, Life was so much simpler when we all thought for sure the world was going to end back then in 1962, Bucky Land era. 

The real 'nuclear' threat facing President Trump in 2017 has to be the snare(s)  by his foes to impeach him. 

Too many to count, and his tweet machine never rests and itself causes much of the sense of unrest about The Man Himself. 

But if all that comes to pass, we would have President Pence in the White House.

In November 2020 he would have to seek reelection with the aid of the votes of those of Irish extraction in the States.

Well over forty million at the last count, or guesstimate. Enough to swing a poll.

Auld Sod

In such scenario, President Pence -- Hell or high water, or both -- would have to set sail for the Auld Sod. 

Pence has a story of substance to 'sell' on the subject of the Auld Sod. 

It should be sold against the backdrop of Sligo. He needs some encouragement to do just that. 

Up Periscope

Sligo.....oh, and those storm drains. All of them. They would be inspected first and then bolted shut by the American Secret Service. Non negotiable.

All the better to stop Lee Harvey McGillicuddy sticking a carbine up out of the sewers and storms drains of Sligo, up like a periscope for a pop at President Pence.

The Secret Service would not take any such chances and the real and present threat of radical terrorism anywhere on the globe would ensure all precautions having to be taken. 

100% Control

You think 'Bull Run' was the title of battles in the American Civil War.....until the Secret Service Comanche take charge. Then 'the bull' runs. 

Take charge? Yes, the Secret Service would be in 100% overall control of the operation in Ireland. 

Review the Ronald Reagan visit of June 1984, the last visit here by an American President among hostile natives in the Auld Sod.

President Pence in Sligo -- that first reality only one heartbeat away at any time,  anyway -- would have to be given a Civic Reception in Sligo.

Think of the security implications if President Pence, even Vice President Pence,  wished to come to Sligo?

The Secret Service will have already done and (long) filed its homework long before any announcement.

'The Beast'

So, watch out for Secret Service strangers or if you spot a recce going on in Rhue or on the Riverside.

Then you'd know that ''The Beast'' or ''Stagecoach'' -- some of nicknames of that car -- are about to test the effectiveness of sealed storm drains in Sligo.

The protocol is that such cars are made in America (only). Ditto the cavalcade, the official convoy of up to four dozen vehicles, carrying mobile hospital, press team and  the War Machine.

Selling Leprechauns

Still, the upside is that hawkers would make a fortune selling leprechauns togged out in stars 'n stripes. 

There is even a book on Eason shelves currently on 'how to draw a leprechaun.' So get started.

Meanwhile, official figures this week revealed that more Americans than Brits visit us.

We spent two million euro minding Charles around Sligo when such money might (surely) be more sagely squandered on President Pence, even as Vice President Pence.

Of course if he is President Pence when he touches base in Sligo, he will have the nuclear codes with him, physically by his side  -- four minutes, irreversible.

Who said so? Why, Hilary Clinton revealed the detail.....if you recall her at all at all.