Updated: 15/11/17 : 05:11:57
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FBI faked relegation woes of Sligo Rovers

By Eugene McGloin

THE RECENT relegation woes of Sligo Rovers were in fact fake news.

Suspicions first arose over constant references in overheard phone calls to “the Bit o’ Red” so the FBI laid a false trail.

Might Travel

The sensational detail has emerged overnight in ‘for your eyes only’ classified files held in Washington.

Early indications point to a band of ‘rogue’ FBI as the source of the fake facts on Sligo Rovers, confidential files suggest.

It seems that originally these ‘rogues’ planted the story in Irish sports pages in 2017 as a bit of a jest.....to see how far the story might travel.

Diehard Scare

But senior Feds became alarmed when they overheard regular references in phone taps to the “Bit o’ Red.”

Said a source: “Our suspicions were really aroused when we heard chat in other phone calls by people calling themselves ‘diehard supporters.’

“Some of these diehards were predicting that, quote, ‘Mark my words, the Bit o’ Red will be saved when we play our trump card.’

“Trump card? Trump card! We felt that phrase must definitely be the secret code word to trigger Russian interference in Irish soccer, manipulating figures. 

“Just as they interfered in our American election and manipulated the final figures,” he said.

It has now also emerged that Irish soccer was secretly asked to let Denmark win last night’s playoff.

It seems the FBI has confidentially learned that Russia wants as many ‘Red’ teams as possible in next summer’s soccer World Cup.

Red Faces

Russian spokesman Padraig O Puitin said: “Red faces are not sufficient, no matter how red-faced people may be.

“We want teams with red jerseys in the Final, any ”bit o’ red” will do.