Updated: 28/02/18 : 06:12:40
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Russians interfering in Irish weather — Uncle Sam

By Eugene McGloin

HOTELS HAVE been block-booked in parts of Ireland this weekend.

A top team of American investigators is due to fly in overnight, reliable sources indicate.

Said one FIB secret agent, on condition of anonymity: “We have some evidence of Russian interference in Irish weather this week.

“The plan is to prosecute Putin but we need some harder evidence.

Suspicions Aroused

“Our suspicions that the Russians were interfering were first aroused when we saw adverts in Phasebook for holidays in snowy conditions.

“But these were fake flakes; pure and simple this, It was another Putin plot.

“Satellite images now show the Russians towing snow from Siberia, no less, and dumping it all over Europe, including England and Ireland.

He added: “Our sources in Siberia have told us this is Putin’s masterplan.

“He has long sought to retaliate against Europe for the Cold War waged with his motherland,” said the agent: “This is his Cold War.”

Snow Drops

Cleverly, Putin will confine his Irish snow drops to cities and the east coast.

Explained our source: “He couldn’t risk sorties to Sligo in the far ‘whest’ with aging backfire bombers and still be back in Siberia in time for the tay and supper.”

Classified papers obtained by the FIB in America reveal the Russians had originally planned to call into Kilgarvan for a few pints on the way home.

But the Russians were concerned about who would then drive them home after guzzling the Guinness.

Kilgarvan Minibus

The cost of a minibus from Kilgarvan to Moscow would be hard to justify, the confidential Kremlin memo stated.

Concerns were also expressed in the Kremlin about the possible fallout if Michael Healy Rae arrived.

“Politicians wearing hats were all the fashion once here but we don’t want people thinking the era of Gorbachev or Brezhnev is on the way back,” the memo added.