Updated: 16/03/18 : 05:04:22
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Tubbercurry leprechauns will fight Putin

By Eugene McGloin

A SPECIAL American envoy to sort out the political logjam in the North was confirmed when The Donald met Our Leo yesterday, Thursday.

But the secret plan came unstuck and was thrown into chaos early today when the envoy sacked himself — by tweet — en route over the Atlantic.

Emergency Edition

The sacking was confirmed in a further tweet read during an emergency edition of ‘Good Morning America’ broadcast on RTÉ at 4am.

Said The Donald: “I had so looked forward to our man meeting up with Arlene Adams and Gerry Foster.”

The envoy is believed to have ordered a special inflight movie edition of ‘Darby O’Gill and the Little People’ for the trip.

It is not yet known why the special envoy turned back.

Tubbercurry Robots

 Meanwhile, a dramatic security initiative jobs linked with prospects could be floated behind closed doors at today’s meeting between ‘V-POTUS’ and V-Varad.

Plans may be afoot to locate a new advance factory in Tubbercurry, the ancestral home of Mike Pence, to make robots.

But robots with a difference: These will be Russian-speaking leprechauns.

In the event of any further poisonings or future cyber crimes, the leprechauns will be parachuted into Red Square under cover of darkness.

Golden Shower

Said an Irish American technology insider: “Leprechauns will rain down on Moscow.

“If it’s a golden shower they want, it’s a golden shower the gits will get,” he predicted.

The technology used to steer sat-navs will then be used by the special squad of Paddy-paratroops find Putin’s bedroom in a ‘search and destroy.’

Pajama Bonfire

“Their orders are to make a bonfire of his pajamas and best suits.

“Then we will see the emperor really has no clothes and then....zzzz”

Then, it seemed the magic bottle brought over from Ireland with a drop of ‘The Craythur’ for the White House dried up and they all fell asleep, happy ever after.