Updated: 24/04/18 : 05:48:43
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Leo leads new band to replace orchestra

By Eugene McGloin
Political Editor

A SECRET drone captured footage of Ireland’s newest orchestra as it rehearsed late last night, Monday.

Unusally for an orchestra they could dress in cowboy suits but that’s not finalised.

Either way, the new boys on the block plan to take place of RTÉ’s ‘sympathy’ orchestra which could be facing the chop.

Second Violin

They also plan to hit the road during the month of May.....if they can quickly fill a number of vacancies.

Second violin is usually a much coveted role but just not here though. 

Favoured to take the role is Seán Canney, who is thought to prefer the role being described as ‘second fiddle.’

Horribly Wrong

Singer with the new orchestra will be Michael Ring from Westport.

He was horrified to see at rehearsal some sheet music had got song titles horribly wrong.

“I mean, what eejit thought there were ‘Three Roads to Glenamaddy’ and ‘Four Pubs in Bohola.”

Reliable sources indicate that the bands ‘spin unit’ are planning to rush release to all radio stations Ring’s debut disc: “Drop Kick Me Jesus Through The Goal Posts of Life.”

Said an insider: “The song will be a modern medley with a mix of religion and rugby, all the Big Topics of the day all rolled into one.

Bang Drum

Rehearsals exposed some problems with sound, too, for the new orchestra.

Said one member: “That guy Shane Ross needs to tone it down big-time, he bangs his drum too long and too loud.

The source did not wish to be name but was (power) dressed in a blue shirt.

Some vacancies in the new ‘sympathy’ orchestra remain to be filled in the brass section.

“Brass, of all things, won’t be a problem for us,” said Leo: “Consider this orchestra up and running.”
Train Song

He added: “We even hope to include a Big Tom tribute in our big sound.

“Maybe that train song about travelling through the wilderness.....”

Like Siberia? “No, no, Cavan-Monaghan. You know the song about the GNR steam train.....